DULLSVILLE all the sap that's fit to mock

mrs. kent does the nasty / inuyasha / comments (3)

03/13/05 Somebody found our site looking up "Annette O'Toole porn," which made me barf into the nearest trash-can. The mental image of Mrs. Kent doing the horizontal limbo with a pizza-delivery boy named Hugo has the uncanny ability to make many a man's penis limp.

4.12: pariah / angry turd / comments (9)

02/05/05 alicia returns, and it looks like she's brought back those double-D porn breasts that clark loved so much. but this time, she ain't crazy. well, she still is sort of, but clark appears to be unfazed by this fact. or he's just horny, which is a forgivable offense because i was beginning to think that everyone in smallville had been spayed or neutered. (hmm, maybe that's why jonathan and martha had to adopt.)

guess who's coming to dinner.

lana becomes a snarling, bucktoothed beast when clark decides to bring his new belle to the talon, which has been converted into a horrible, horrible karaoke bar with horrible, horrible karaoke wenches. oh, wait! those are just chloe and lois acting like complete jackasses, part of the smallville youths' bizarro version of fun. next item on the agenda: milking some cows.

lana is mad because alicia tried to kill her before. remember that? when alicia felt threatened by clark's "love" for lana? yeah, i tried to block that episode from my memory, too, in order to replace it with more useful things, such as how to stick chopsticks in my mouth and imitate a walrus.

read full post...

bewbies / angry turd / comments (1)

01/17/05 i don't know how to segue into this, so...

lois: do you think clark will finally notice that i have these?

sluts galore / angry turd / comments (2)

01/12/05 the WB has released a description of the next smallville episode (4x11) titled "unsafe".

ALICIA RETURNS TO SMALLVILLE FOR CLARK - Claiming to be cured, Alicia (guest star Sarah Carter) is released from Belle Reve hospital and comes to Smallville to rekindle her relationship with Clark (Tom Welling). Initially skeptical of Alicia, Clark finds himself enjoying a relationship with someone who knows his secret, but when she pushes for more he hesitiates, causing her to use red kryptonite on him. "Bad Clark" emerges and whisks Alicia off to get married in Las Vegas. Meanwhile, Lana (Kristin Kreuk) decides to have sex with Jason (Jensen Ackles) in order to win him back. Michael Rosenbaum, Allison Mack, John Glover, Annette O'Toole and John Schneider also star. (from smallvillededication.com)

so... clark is going to get with the porno-star from 3x14: obsession and lana is going to have sex with jason to win him back? i swear, dullsville already wrote this script! i didn't know the writers for the show were reading this site and completely ripping us off.

anyway, the new episode airs on january 26, 2005 -- and i'm sure you'll all be poised in front of your televisions for that.

argh! / angry turd / comments (1)

12/22/04 well, i've managed to get the website back up. however, we lost the last several posts:

a review about the season-four premiere, which, for lack of better phrasing, sucked balls
an important notice to smallville stylists about the state of tom welling's really, really gay hair
an introduction to the two new members of the cast, erica durance and jensen ackles, whose names are both quite ridiculous

there's another one that is missing, but i think we can all deal with its being gone forever without suffering any major ramifications in our daily lives.

so... we're back, again. but, as usual, our episode reviews are few and far between. let's see if everything works out this time around.

you may have noticed that i changed the title picture up there, replacing chloe's pasty, wannabe-sexy face with lois's pasty, wannabe-sexy face. this is mostly because chloe has turned from the cute, witty, unrequited love of clark kent into the obnoxitron 2000. plus, lois is just much hotter -- even if she does look like a cat.